Optical illusions catch us off guard. The front of the necker cube, below, will be angled one way for you….but stare at it long enough, and it’ll jump the other way.
Both sides are there after all. At the same time. In coexistence.
Throughout my training, personal experiences, and work in therapy and coaching domains, I’ve always found the notion of personal strengths captivating. I’m not necessarily talking about the kinds of strengths you’d put on your CV (‘good communicator’, ‘conscientiousness’, ….’MS Excel’).
Instead, I mean the aspects of our character, histories and deeply held values that transcend what, traditionally, features on your CV. Aspects of our lives such as courage, grit, determination, and authenticity that we often overlook as we fall down the rabbit hole of analysing our problems in the hope of durable solutions.
Yet in every story told of anxiety, stress or burnout, there’s also a story of character and strength just behind it.
‘It’s been non-stop for years, Andy’, said Sarah, a single mum of two who’d sought support with stress (details changed to protect anonymity).
‘It’s one thing after another. Whether it’s the kids, my health, workload at work …and not to mention the recent redundancy process. I just can’t keep going. It’s like I’m going to break from the inside.’
I could hear and feel her despair. Having worked her way up the corporate ladder to her ‘dream role’, whilst also bringing up the children herself, it felt like it was all crumbling.
‘It feels like it’s all beginning to crumble’, I reflected back…’how do you manage to keep going?’
‘Well, I have to, for the kids.’
‘Yeah, that’s understandable. And what does it take to show up for them given all that’s going on?’
Sarah didn’t hesitate to whip back: ‘A bloody good dose of guts, that’s what!’
Sarah and I went on to track the history of her ‘gutsy-ness’, where it first reared its head, the differences it’s made to her life, and how it may look given her current predicament.
From the start of the session to the end, there was a change or pivot point. By the end, Sarah was no longer just a person who was at the ‘mercy of life’. Instead, she was someone who’d had a track record of getting through such times with her ‘guts’ and a few other nuggets we’d uncovered through the conversation.
Sarah, in the conversation, had changed.
Our strengths lurk in the shadows of the stories we tell about the problems we live with. In coexistence.
- How do you cope, even if barely, with your difficulties?
- Even if barely, what does that suggest about you?
- And how far back does that quality or strength of yours go? What’s its history?
Want to build your resilience in the face of anxiety, stress, burnout, or other life challenges?Contact me to arrange a free 30-minute chat and let’s see what we can do together.
Andy Blyth 